Okay, so I'm back in the swing of my very own personal nutritional lifestyle. Let me be clear: I am not on a diet. I'm no longer doing a cleanse. I am fully committing to eating the way I have found to work best for me. It's a challenge some days.
I'm craving feta something fierce. I LOOOOOOVE feta. Really, I could probably live without every other dairy product in the book except feta. And it's just sitting there, in all it's Greek glory, in a little clear plastic container in my fridge, just daring me to have a taste. Grrrr.
I almost did. I mean, what's one little bite, right? One little bite… would lead to two little bites. Which would prompt me to make a grilled cheese with feta (if you can eat dairy and you haven't tried feta in your grilled cheese, do it NOW). And then, well, I might as well be eating pizza and milk chocolate and all of the wondrous things I miss so very, very much.
So why the hell am I torturing myself? Well, I'm not. At least not in the big picture. As far as food cravings go, yes, I'm in agony. But am I not more than a food craving? I mean, I am a healthy, sexy, wonderful woman, a yoga enthusiast, a mother of 2, a partner to my soul mate, an artist, a writer, a blogger, a friend… I mean, damn. I got a lot going on.
And speaking of torture, the agony of food cravings pale in comparison to the disdain of seeing my face all pimply and my skin dull. I have been battling acne for 25 years. Did you read that? 25 YEARS. I'll be 36 in a month. That's more than two thirds of my life!
So, I will take my torture in stride, because I am more than a food craving. Maybe one day I will find some magical herb or meditation or spell that will dissolve my reaction to dairy (and wheat) and I will chow down on some feta cheese. Until then, I will glow with the strength it takes to be bigger than something that has had a hold on me for as long as I can remember. That, and I will kiss the Earth with gratitude that I live in a place where I can actually CHOOSE my food. Read that again: I have not only the choice to eat what I want, but to not eat what I don't want. That's pretty powerful stuff.
Shine on.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Day 64, or, A New Start
Okay, so I've been off of my 40 day program for over 3 weeks now. Here's what I've noticed:
1. Skin is back to dull, boring, prone to breakouts.
2. Belly bloat happens. Often.
3. I crave the "full" feeling of comfortable numbness.
4. Brain fog.
5. Less energy.
6. Less stamina.
7. More anxiety.
8. More irritability.
9. Sluggish.
10. More body aches.
Well, that settles it. As of this posting, I'll be embarking on a new 40 day journey. Only this time, the plan is to make the change permanent. I'm not sure how just yet… it will take some creative thinking.
When I was on the original program, my mind was razor-sharp. My moods were consistently perky and optimistic. I didn't crave much, and I enjoyed and thrived in the feeling of lightness in my belly. I never felt hungry, but I also didn't get full. I let the space guide me, to let in the wisdom.
So now, the challenge isn't staying on the plan, rather it is transforming my thoughts to fully commit to what actually works best for me. Why not thrive? Why not feel energetic, beautiful, inspired? My program doesn't leave me wanting, not at all. At least not as long as I'm prepared.
My snack pantry (which keeps me sane), besides fresh fruit, consists of the following: cashews, allergy free chocolate, almond butter, sweet potato fries, kalamata olives, sundried tomatoes, salsa, hummus, and coconut milk ice cream. What can I say? I'm a snacker, a grazer, and I definitely have a mean sweet tooth. The meals come quite easily: omelets and quiches packed with greens, salmon with ginger and garlic and lemon, quinoa, sweet potatoes, broccoli with lemon, homemade guacamole, black bean burgers. Yummy, clean, easy to prepare.
Let's see where we go this time around...
1. Skin is back to dull, boring, prone to breakouts.
2. Belly bloat happens. Often.
3. I crave the "full" feeling of comfortable numbness.
4. Brain fog.
5. Less energy.
6. Less stamina.
7. More anxiety.
8. More irritability.
9. Sluggish.
10. More body aches.
Well, that settles it. As of this posting, I'll be embarking on a new 40 day journey. Only this time, the plan is to make the change permanent. I'm not sure how just yet… it will take some creative thinking.
When I was on the original program, my mind was razor-sharp. My moods were consistently perky and optimistic. I didn't crave much, and I enjoyed and thrived in the feeling of lightness in my belly. I never felt hungry, but I also didn't get full. I let the space guide me, to let in the wisdom.
So now, the challenge isn't staying on the plan, rather it is transforming my thoughts to fully commit to what actually works best for me. Why not thrive? Why not feel energetic, beautiful, inspired? My program doesn't leave me wanting, not at all. At least not as long as I'm prepared.
My snack pantry (which keeps me sane), besides fresh fruit, consists of the following: cashews, allergy free chocolate, almond butter, sweet potato fries, kalamata olives, sundried tomatoes, salsa, hummus, and coconut milk ice cream. What can I say? I'm a snacker, a grazer, and I definitely have a mean sweet tooth. The meals come quite easily: omelets and quiches packed with greens, salmon with ginger and garlic and lemon, quinoa, sweet potatoes, broccoli with lemon, homemade guacamole, black bean burgers. Yummy, clean, easy to prepare.
Let's see where we go this time around...
Monday, September 22, 2014
Day 56
So, my 40-day experiment ended over 2 weeks ago, and it's been over 40 days since I've blogged. Let's just say I've been busy. Like, really busy. So busy in fact that this is literally the first time I have opened up my laptop since my last post. I can do a lot of things from my phone, but creative, thoughtful writing is not one of them.
To get us up to speed, I'll give you a synopsis of my 40-day experience. If you recall, I had committed to 40 days of "clean" eating- that is, no meat, dairy, or gluten. I also had high hopes of regular mediation and yoga, as well as plenty of photo documentation and blogging.
The first week went pretty well. I got up early and stretched and meditated. I ate wonderfully well. The second week my 2 year old began cutting molars. So gone were my mornings, as they were used to make up for the lost night's sleep. Still, I stuck to my clean eating. I even blogged a little, though not daily as originally planned.
By the end of week 2 I was buried pretty deep in too many projects. I built a chicken coop that seemed to need nonstop modifications. I landscaped and hardscaped my backyard. I entertained weekend guests, celebrated my husband's and baby's birthdays. I built a fence and installed a privacy screen. I threw an epic party. All of it (mostly) by myself while breastfeeding and caring for young children.
Still, I stuck to my guidelines in terms of eating. That, at least, I could do. Nearly every night found me falling into bed absolutely beat from the day's work, after a few long and lazy stretches to ease the kinks out of my back and neck. But that was all I could muster. And that was okay.
So, I'm back. And what, you ask, have I learned?
Well, first and foremost, I can say that this particular diet plan has done wonders for me. Absolute wonders. My skin became radiant, and my eyes were shining brighter than ever before. My sweat no longer smelled funky. My energy was acute and sustained, my mind sharper, my patience longer. I burned fat easily. All in all, I felt amazing.
Now, if I'm going to be totally honest here, I didn't make it the full 40 days. At the 3/4 mark on the 39th day, I had a little wine with our houseguests which made me crazily tipsy. I served that epic (it was epic) chocolate cake I had frozen for dessert. And I allowed my self a few bites.
A funny thing happened. I awoke to find my face broken out again. Not horrendously, just more than a few tiny little blackheads and a loss of luster. My skin looked a little dull. My belly felt heavy. Just from a few bites (okay half a piece) of chocolate cake.
So I got back on the horse. Which is why I'm writing now. To let my dear friends and readers know I'm still here, still going strong.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I did a 2-day fruit and vegetable only cleanse sometime during week 6. I had aimed for 3 days, but was too weak to make it another day. Breastfeeding a toddler, building stuff, and mothering in general takes a certain amount of strength, and more than 2 days without salmon or eggs was simply too much for me.
Here's what I have found to be the ideal diet plan for my and my particular constitution and lifestyle: Fruits and vegetables. Honey. Salmon and eggs. Quinoa. Lots of spice. And yes, coffee. I will give up coffee when they pry the French press out of my cold, dead fingers.
This has amounted to being my ideal (and very doable) diet. I allow myself french fries from the drive thru (only the ones serving real food, no Mickey D's here)… this allowance helps me stay sane and not fall off the wagon. Also, I give myself permission on weekends and special occasions to eat whatever I want, so long as it isn't meat (fish is okay). While I do see the consequences pretty much immediately, I can easily repair myself come Monday by sticking to the aforementioned foods. Which, you have to admit, is quite a lot of delicious choices. My sanity savers were almond butter and allergy-free chocolate, curried cashews, and Alexia chipotle sweet potato fries. I seriously don't think I could have made it without those.
And, finally, our local farm box delivery, Local Organic Moms helped me to stay on track. With the yummiest fresh produce delivered to my door every Friday, I couldn't help but to eat healthy. I hope by this time next year, I will have a vegetable garden of my own.
Today, I am on Staycation. There's been a lot of hard work on my part here at the Love House. After an absolutely beautiful party over the weekend, I am taking a few days off. Eating whatever I want. Tomorrow (or maybe Wednesday) I'll get back on my diet plan. I have a wedding this weekend, and I'm planning on going sans makeup, except for a bit of lip gloss and maybe some mascara. Got to have that glow!
Thanks for reading, dear ones. Good luck on your own individual journey to glowing good health.
Peace.
To get us up to speed, I'll give you a synopsis of my 40-day experience. If you recall, I had committed to 40 days of "clean" eating- that is, no meat, dairy, or gluten. I also had high hopes of regular mediation and yoga, as well as plenty of photo documentation and blogging.
The first week went pretty well. I got up early and stretched and meditated. I ate wonderfully well. The second week my 2 year old began cutting molars. So gone were my mornings, as they were used to make up for the lost night's sleep. Still, I stuck to my clean eating. I even blogged a little, though not daily as originally planned.
By the end of week 2 I was buried pretty deep in too many projects. I built a chicken coop that seemed to need nonstop modifications. I landscaped and hardscaped my backyard. I entertained weekend guests, celebrated my husband's and baby's birthdays. I built a fence and installed a privacy screen. I threw an epic party. All of it (mostly) by myself while breastfeeding and caring for young children.
Still, I stuck to my guidelines in terms of eating. That, at least, I could do. Nearly every night found me falling into bed absolutely beat from the day's work, after a few long and lazy stretches to ease the kinks out of my back and neck. But that was all I could muster. And that was okay.
So, I'm back. And what, you ask, have I learned?
Well, first and foremost, I can say that this particular diet plan has done wonders for me. Absolute wonders. My skin became radiant, and my eyes were shining brighter than ever before. My sweat no longer smelled funky. My energy was acute and sustained, my mind sharper, my patience longer. I burned fat easily. All in all, I felt amazing.
Now, if I'm going to be totally honest here, I didn't make it the full 40 days. At the 3/4 mark on the 39th day, I had a little wine with our houseguests which made me crazily tipsy. I served that epic (it was epic) chocolate cake I had frozen for dessert. And I allowed my self a few bites.
A funny thing happened. I awoke to find my face broken out again. Not horrendously, just more than a few tiny little blackheads and a loss of luster. My skin looked a little dull. My belly felt heavy. Just from a few bites (okay half a piece) of chocolate cake.
So I got back on the horse. Which is why I'm writing now. To let my dear friends and readers know I'm still here, still going strong.
Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I did a 2-day fruit and vegetable only cleanse sometime during week 6. I had aimed for 3 days, but was too weak to make it another day. Breastfeeding a toddler, building stuff, and mothering in general takes a certain amount of strength, and more than 2 days without salmon or eggs was simply too much for me.
Here's what I have found to be the ideal diet plan for my and my particular constitution and lifestyle: Fruits and vegetables. Honey. Salmon and eggs. Quinoa. Lots of spice. And yes, coffee. I will give up coffee when they pry the French press out of my cold, dead fingers.
This has amounted to being my ideal (and very doable) diet. I allow myself french fries from the drive thru (only the ones serving real food, no Mickey D's here)… this allowance helps me stay sane and not fall off the wagon. Also, I give myself permission on weekends and special occasions to eat whatever I want, so long as it isn't meat (fish is okay). While I do see the consequences pretty much immediately, I can easily repair myself come Monday by sticking to the aforementioned foods. Which, you have to admit, is quite a lot of delicious choices. My sanity savers were almond butter and allergy-free chocolate, curried cashews, and Alexia chipotle sweet potato fries. I seriously don't think I could have made it without those.
And, finally, our local farm box delivery, Local Organic Moms helped me to stay on track. With the yummiest fresh produce delivered to my door every Friday, I couldn't help but to eat healthy. I hope by this time next year, I will have a vegetable garden of my own.
Today, I am on Staycation. There's been a lot of hard work on my part here at the Love House. After an absolutely beautiful party over the weekend, I am taking a few days off. Eating whatever I want. Tomorrow (or maybe Wednesday) I'll get back on my diet plan. I have a wedding this weekend, and I'm planning on going sans makeup, except for a bit of lip gloss and maybe some mascara. Got to have that glow!
Thanks for reading, dear ones. Good luck on your own individual journey to glowing good health.
Peace.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Day Ten (and then some catching up to do!)
Ten whole days! Woo-hoo! I'm one quarter of the way to my goal- 40 days of clean eating, yoga, insight... you get the idea.
I can tell you that already I feel stronger, more powerful. More from the place of will than the physical realm. Never, ever in my life could I have conjured up a chocolate cake without having a piece. Zaxby's has fried pickles back on the menu?! And my friend has been posting about the most amazing looking Rueben sandwich lately… my one and only beef weakness. Still, I'm holding strong.
Aside from the willpower and (slight) weight loss, I'm feeling a real clarity of mind I haven't had since having babies. Sleep deprivation is serious, and Mommy Brain is no myth. It's probably been 4 years since I've completed a thought. This fall, we are hunkering down with our Freeschooling goals, so I think this cleanse has been well-timed. I feel better equipped to get connected with my 2 and 3 year old boys to make this happen. Being a bit of a raw nerve, I feel like I've been better able to zone in on what these guys need and are trying to communicate. The fact that their needs change almost constantly is all the more reason to stay clear and on my toes!
Well, it is now day 16 of 40. I skipped almost a whole week of blogging. Rest assured, I didn't skip my eating habits… still going strong! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I discovered that I feel my healthiest when fresh eggs and wild salmon are a part of my diet. I usually have eggs for breakfast, along with some sweet potato or home fries, perhaps a little fruit, and yes, coffee. I'm more of a savory breakfast kind of gal, so with no bacon or toast, the eggs feel a little lonely for my liking. Luckily, they go great with salsa!
So, what's had me so busy, you ask? Well, next week begins our official Freeschool year. We've got tons of activities scheduled, some music and theater classes, we've joined a co-op, and have found some great resources to flowingly incorporate age-appropriate learning and skill-building into just plain old-fashioned fun. Lots and lots and lots of nature time. Aaannnddd…. chickens!!!
Yes, we've adopted half a dozen hens. This was my project, so aside from helping me to load and cut some wood (I am petrified of power saws), my man is taking a loving step back to let me do this on my own. The pallet chicken yard is 60% complete, we'll be doing some drilling and tacking up of fencing over the next few days. The girls are still adjusting to their new surroundings (they came from the country to us in the city), so they aren't laying just yet. Hopefully we'll have fresh eggs each morning in about a month.
What else? My phone is overloaded with files, so until I can get some extra time available, this blog is going to be a little less visual than planned. I hope to catch up after this weekend with some pics to show you all what I've been up to.
Until then, love yourselves, eat yummy plants, worship the sunshine and be kind to one another. Shanti, shanti, shanti, you beautiful soul!
I can tell you that already I feel stronger, more powerful. More from the place of will than the physical realm. Never, ever in my life could I have conjured up a chocolate cake without having a piece. Zaxby's has fried pickles back on the menu?! And my friend has been posting about the most amazing looking Rueben sandwich lately… my one and only beef weakness. Still, I'm holding strong.
Aside from the willpower and (slight) weight loss, I'm feeling a real clarity of mind I haven't had since having babies. Sleep deprivation is serious, and Mommy Brain is no myth. It's probably been 4 years since I've completed a thought. This fall, we are hunkering down with our Freeschooling goals, so I think this cleanse has been well-timed. I feel better equipped to get connected with my 2 and 3 year old boys to make this happen. Being a bit of a raw nerve, I feel like I've been better able to zone in on what these guys need and are trying to communicate. The fact that their needs change almost constantly is all the more reason to stay clear and on my toes!
Well, it is now day 16 of 40. I skipped almost a whole week of blogging. Rest assured, I didn't skip my eating habits… still going strong! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I discovered that I feel my healthiest when fresh eggs and wild salmon are a part of my diet. I usually have eggs for breakfast, along with some sweet potato or home fries, perhaps a little fruit, and yes, coffee. I'm more of a savory breakfast kind of gal, so with no bacon or toast, the eggs feel a little lonely for my liking. Luckily, they go great with salsa!
So, what's had me so busy, you ask? Well, next week begins our official Freeschool year. We've got tons of activities scheduled, some music and theater classes, we've joined a co-op, and have found some great resources to flowingly incorporate age-appropriate learning and skill-building into just plain old-fashioned fun. Lots and lots and lots of nature time. Aaannnddd…. chickens!!!
Yes, we've adopted half a dozen hens. This was my project, so aside from helping me to load and cut some wood (I am petrified of power saws), my man is taking a loving step back to let me do this on my own. The pallet chicken yard is 60% complete, we'll be doing some drilling and tacking up of fencing over the next few days. The girls are still adjusting to their new surroundings (they came from the country to us in the city), so they aren't laying just yet. Hopefully we'll have fresh eggs each morning in about a month.
What else? My phone is overloaded with files, so until I can get some extra time available, this blog is going to be a little less visual than planned. I hope to catch up after this weekend with some pics to show you all what I've been up to.
Until then, love yourselves, eat yummy plants, worship the sunshine and be kind to one another. Shanti, shanti, shanti, you beautiful soul!
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Days Eight and Nine
Well, it's been just over a week now. I've been trying to keep up an intermittent fitness routine while wrestling little people. A lot of my "workout" happens during playtime with the kids, and the various dance parties we break out in in the kitchen. Dairy, meat, and gluten-free eating is still going well. Feeling more clarity in myself. Here's a visual:
The changes are slight, but they are definitely there. There's less of a tilt in my lower spine (due to crunches and cleaner eating.) Also the roundness in my belly seems to have a bit more structure now than it did when I got started. Progress is slow, but sure.
 |
| Day Eight |
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| Day One |
Since it's my Moon Time, I'll skip the face post for this week. Unfortunately, when Aunt Flo comes to visit, I still break out like a teenager. :(
My energy levels are keeping up with my feisty kids' demands better than before. A few sips of black coffee in the morning are all I need lately to get started, as opposed to a solid one and probable 2 loaded with sugar and cream from before. I'm pretty happy with that outcome.
An interesting thing happened today. I was out of pretty much everything I could eat in my house. I noshed on some yummy gluten free pasta for breakfast, but between wrestling my little monsters into undies and clothing to make an afternoon appointment and being strapped for time, I didn't eat lunch. I had told myself I wasn't going to be so strict as to deny myself the occasional order of french fries. Well, I fed my craving, and I don't know if there was something gluten-related in the seasoning, or if it was that they were perhaps fried alongside the chicken, but I got an instant headache! I guess I'll have to plan my trips a little better and stick to making potatoes at home.
Not much else to report for these two days. Just keeping up the good work.
*Self High-five*
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Day Seven
Oh, my God. I'm not dead.
So, the past week has given me much insight into my Self and how I work. For starters, giving up bread and dairy has been a win. Though I'm usually not much into meat, I have been giving in to my fast-food chicken cravings for quite some time now. It's been nearly a month since I last had chicken.
Still, I have a long way to go. I need to incorporate more greens into my day. Bonus if I can get my butt out to the Farm to get some really fresh from the dirt. After much deliberation, I decided it would be in my best interest to include wild salmon and organic eggs in my diet. I suffered with headaches and fatigue for most of last week, and, being an overtime mommy, I reckoned with the fact that I needed some healthy form of protein in my diet to stay strong and robust for myself and my babies. I immediately felt strength coming back into my bones as I savored a piece of salmon on Friday. The three days I went without fish or eggs were pretty rough. I tried to rest a lot, but it's kind of impossible with little people around. Still, I see it as a victory and not a defeat- I have discovered something about myself, and turned an unhealthy choice into a nourishing one. Win.
Another thing I've realized is that completing a full yoga practice at home is just not going to happen. I did manage to get up early and meditate, so I'm continuing that into this week and building on it. As for yoga, doing a kids workout (usually 2 or 3, really) is something that is doable, and I modify as I go along. Also sneaking in a few crunches when the kids are in a bath or in the middle of a really good fight works, too. I do a down dog at pretty much every opportunity, and seated twists many, many times a day. Still, I'm craving a "real" practice, so hopefully I'll get the chance to see my friends at the Savannah Yoga Barre sometime this week and get my asana kicked alongside a healthy helping of humble pie. Lynne and Kendall know how to get you to that place.
I think some of the best growth for me so far has been acceptance. You see, normally I go into these kinds of situations with this overblown idea that I'm going to have a life-changing experience. All I have to do is do everything I do completely differently. We all know how that goes. Maybe it's having these lovable, forgiving, demanding, inspiring little people around me all day everyday that convinced me to go a little easy on myself. Make small changes, take stock of how I feel, and beyond all my ideas and ideals, just have a good time doing it. Whoa, man is that a game changer.
You mean, liking my jelly belly, procrastinating, creative, loving, meandering, dancing, goofy self is okay?
Not only is it okay, it's an imperative.
So, the past week has given me much insight into my Self and how I work. For starters, giving up bread and dairy has been a win. Though I'm usually not much into meat, I have been giving in to my fast-food chicken cravings for quite some time now. It's been nearly a month since I last had chicken.
Still, I have a long way to go. I need to incorporate more greens into my day. Bonus if I can get my butt out to the Farm to get some really fresh from the dirt. After much deliberation, I decided it would be in my best interest to include wild salmon and organic eggs in my diet. I suffered with headaches and fatigue for most of last week, and, being an overtime mommy, I reckoned with the fact that I needed some healthy form of protein in my diet to stay strong and robust for myself and my babies. I immediately felt strength coming back into my bones as I savored a piece of salmon on Friday. The three days I went without fish or eggs were pretty rough. I tried to rest a lot, but it's kind of impossible with little people around. Still, I see it as a victory and not a defeat- I have discovered something about myself, and turned an unhealthy choice into a nourishing one. Win.
Another thing I've realized is that completing a full yoga practice at home is just not going to happen. I did manage to get up early and meditate, so I'm continuing that into this week and building on it. As for yoga, doing a kids workout (usually 2 or 3, really) is something that is doable, and I modify as I go along. Also sneaking in a few crunches when the kids are in a bath or in the middle of a really good fight works, too. I do a down dog at pretty much every opportunity, and seated twists many, many times a day. Still, I'm craving a "real" practice, so hopefully I'll get the chance to see my friends at the Savannah Yoga Barre sometime this week and get my asana kicked alongside a healthy helping of humble pie. Lynne and Kendall know how to get you to that place.
I think some of the best growth for me so far has been acceptance. You see, normally I go into these kinds of situations with this overblown idea that I'm going to have a life-changing experience. All I have to do is do everything I do completely differently. We all know how that goes. Maybe it's having these lovable, forgiving, demanding, inspiring little people around me all day everyday that convinced me to go a little easy on myself. Make small changes, take stock of how I feel, and beyond all my ideas and ideals, just have a good time doing it. Whoa, man is that a game changer.
You mean, liking my jelly belly, procrastinating, creative, loving, meandering, dancing, goofy self is okay?
Not only is it okay, it's an imperative.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Day Six
Whew. This one was a doozy.
Okay, so I have been having mad cravings for cheese. Like, daydreams of pizza, grilled cheese, ravioli and lasagna. Oh. But I managed to talk myself into a vegan sloppy joe and some baked sweet potato fries instead. Winning! That put the smackdown on that nasty voice in my head telling me to go for it. Feeling strong. Until…
Sunday. Day Six. Just also happens to be the hubs' birthday. And for his birthday, and for our children's birthdays, even my own birthday, I bake a cake. A little gesture of love. A from scratch gesture of love. This years cake was chocolate. Classic, heavenly, wonderful chocolate cake. Did I mention my deep and abiding love for chocolate cake? Yes, if I could have married and procreated with a chocolate cake, mind you, there would be the cutest little diapered chocolate cupcakes ransacking my house and screaming to high heaven as I type. Alas, it's a union that's still frowned upon. Someday, maybe.
So, here I am, cravings coming at me from all sides. Having been cleansing slowly for a couple of weeks now, and this being almost an entire week of no dairy or wheat, well, you can bet those voices of resistance were loud, clear, and obnoxious. "One must take time to celebrate," a properly toned demon suggested. "Dude, it's your favorite!" another persuaded. "Well you have to at least taste it to make sure it turned out okay!" That one was the kicker. As many chocolate cakes as I have enjoyed in my day, this was the very first one I'd ever actually baked. So, what if it turned out terrible? "Just taste it…"
I've got a will of steel when I want it. I touched only the teeniest, tiniest tip of my pinky into the batter to make sure the substitutions I'd used hadn't ruined the cake. It was correct. Perfect in fact. Couldn't I just allow this one little dalliance? Surely my adoring public would understand! No one would stop being my friend if I leaked the fact that out of 40 days I could only really commit to six. Chocolate cake has that kind of power.
Still, I held on. I licked no spoons. I rinsed my chocolate fingers under the sink and went about the business of icing this piece of artistry. Man, that icing smelled so good! I then decided a plain old chocolate cake needed a bit of adornment, so I melted our favorite chocolate down and gave the cake a generous drizzle. Agony! I managed to not only cut and plate up 3 slices for my big and little men, I watched them enjoy each bite. And honestly, the satisfaction of seeing those 3 fellas happily devouring the cake gave me a sense of pride. Not only did I create something out of love for my sweet man on his birthday, I celebrated alongside him with my own sweet treat- my dignity.
Winning.
Okay, so I have been having mad cravings for cheese. Like, daydreams of pizza, grilled cheese, ravioli and lasagna. Oh. But I managed to talk myself into a vegan sloppy joe and some baked sweet potato fries instead. Winning! That put the smackdown on that nasty voice in my head telling me to go for it. Feeling strong. Until…
Sunday. Day Six. Just also happens to be the hubs' birthday. And for his birthday, and for our children's birthdays, even my own birthday, I bake a cake. A little gesture of love. A from scratch gesture of love. This years cake was chocolate. Classic, heavenly, wonderful chocolate cake. Did I mention my deep and abiding love for chocolate cake? Yes, if I could have married and procreated with a chocolate cake, mind you, there would be the cutest little diapered chocolate cupcakes ransacking my house and screaming to high heaven as I type. Alas, it's a union that's still frowned upon. Someday, maybe.
So, here I am, cravings coming at me from all sides. Having been cleansing slowly for a couple of weeks now, and this being almost an entire week of no dairy or wheat, well, you can bet those voices of resistance were loud, clear, and obnoxious. "One must take time to celebrate," a properly toned demon suggested. "Dude, it's your favorite!" another persuaded. "Well you have to at least taste it to make sure it turned out okay!" That one was the kicker. As many chocolate cakes as I have enjoyed in my day, this was the very first one I'd ever actually baked. So, what if it turned out terrible? "Just taste it…"
I've got a will of steel when I want it. I touched only the teeniest, tiniest tip of my pinky into the batter to make sure the substitutions I'd used hadn't ruined the cake. It was correct. Perfect in fact. Couldn't I just allow this one little dalliance? Surely my adoring public would understand! No one would stop being my friend if I leaked the fact that out of 40 days I could only really commit to six. Chocolate cake has that kind of power.
Still, I held on. I licked no spoons. I rinsed my chocolate fingers under the sink and went about the business of icing this piece of artistry. Man, that icing smelled so good! I then decided a plain old chocolate cake needed a bit of adornment, so I melted our favorite chocolate down and gave the cake a generous drizzle. Agony! I managed to not only cut and plate up 3 slices for my big and little men, I watched them enjoy each bite. And honestly, the satisfaction of seeing those 3 fellas happily devouring the cake gave me a sense of pride. Not only did I create something out of love for my sweet man on his birthday, I celebrated alongside him with my own sweet treat- my dignity.
Winning.
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| Ahh… the sweet taste of victory. |
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