Day Two

So, why 40 days?  I did Baron Baptiste's 40 Days to a Personal Revolution program a few years ago with my husband and our (then) yoga co-op.  It was a challenge, a blast, and a success.  Out of 40 students at the starting line, only 12 finished- including us.  I made some great friends during that time, grew closer to my partner, and got to know myself a little better.

This time around, I have 2 kids in tow.  Two little kids.  It's absolutely impossible for me to get out of bed at any time of night without my 2 year old sensing my solitude and come wailing like a banshee out into the darkness calling my name.  I decided I would need to do something I could incorporate into my daily routine with the kids, or at best, be able to steal away and do on my own while they watch a movie or nap nearby.  Since I was already familiar with this program, I decided it was the best approach for me.

My little gurus worshipping at the Temple of Oversharing.
(okay, we were doing Cosmic Kids Yoga…  don't judge me.  Yoga is yoga.)

I also appreciate the book's sensible approach to food mindfulness, laid out in a weekly format.  The yoga practice is a basic one, which I also appreciate.  Don't get me wrong- I love challenging poses.  But I thought I'd be more likely to stick with this program if I went a bit easy on myself.

Nowhere in the course of this 40 days is it recommended to go vegan and gluten-free, except in the 6th week where there is a 3-day fruit fast.  Baron takes you gradually into it, eliminating first packaged and fast foods, then empty foods, meat and cheese…  well, you get the idea.  I decided to get a jump on this by going vegan and gluten free for a few reasons.  First, so that when I get to the fruit cleanse, it won't be such a shock, having been cleansing gently for the first 5 weeks.  Second, this is the time of year where I naturally eat less, especially rich food like bread and cheese.  Third, I knew that I could go vegan and gluten free earlier this year when I found myself switching out a lot of my choices for "clean" substitutes.  So, basically, I've been slowly laying the groundwork for this since January.

In the spirit of going easy on myself, there's a few allowances I'm giving to myself throughout all of this.  You see, I am a nursing mother.  That requires quite a caloric output, and quite frankly, just the amount of touching throughout a normal day is enough to send me running into the candy store for solace.  Earlier this year, I "invented" the deconstructed candy bar-  I get myself a big jar of Maranatha No-Stir Almond Butter (crunchy), and pour into it as many Enjoy Life Allergy Free Chocolate Chips I can fit.  I also add in more roasted almonds, sometimes some dates or raisins.  It's like a candy bar on a spoon, and rather than eat a whole bar (which I would totally do), I just have a couple of bites.  Plus, everything in it is a naturally occurring food.  I get my fix and don't feel bad about it.

There's also the Moon Time to consider.  It's coming up soon, as evidenced by my hardcore carb cravings.  Thank heavens for gluten-free pasta!  Also, I feel my quarterly potato craving coming on…  roasted garlic olive oil mashed potatoes are definitely in my near future.

He always STARTS with pants...

When I can, I'll try to share recipes that delight me.  Except for a few go-to favorites, I tend to be a very experimental cook.  Yesterdays meal began as a simple spinach salad.  Before I knew it, things were being sautéed, onions were being caramelized…  well you get the picture.

I'm also making a little room in my week for some naughty treats- my favorite Starbucks drink- Chai Soy Latte (because for the life of me I can't recreate this at home),  the occasional french fry, and Jalapeño Kettle Chips.  Yum!  Deprivation doesn't do anyone any good.  If I give myself a break by finding foods that fit the bill but still check the naughty list, I suppose I'm staying in touch with my dark side.  :)  It's important to accept oneself as we are.

I'm toying with the idea of including Wild Caught Alaskan Salmon into my diet once a week.  So far, I'm feeling pretty satisfied with the plant foods, but I also know that salmon leaves me feeling so energized and healthy.  We'll see what the body needs as we go along.

Pronoia- the sneaky suspicion that the Universe is conspiring to shower you with blessings.

Day One

Yesterday began the official first day of my 40-day cleansing program.  It's been a little tough- a bit of a headache all day, and a good bit of tiredness.  Still, I've been through this before…  just never with kids.  Luckily, for once, I had the foresight to lay some groundwork early- I started eating mostly gluten-free, wholly dairy and meat free about 2 weeks ago.  I still had some eggs up until yesterday.  I decided to be all full-disclosure and stuff and post some pics of me now and what I will look like throughout and after these 40 days.

 

As you can see in both photos, there's a lot of jelly hanging onto this belly.

Um...

Okay, so let me just say a few things.  First of all, this isn't really about weight loss.  As you can see, I am a naturally skinny person.  I know this is going to sound insane, but…  well I've always wanted to gain a little weight.  My whole life, I've admired thick women with curves.  Skinny, flat-chested…  um, not hot.  Not to mention, most of my adolescence and a lot of my 20's, people (including family) accused me of being anorexic.  Body shaming isn't just for the voluptuous.  But as I grew into my 30's, I gained more than weight- I gained acceptance.  I learned to love my skinny legs, my small breasts.  I even learned to love my big ears, my cleft chin, and the gap in my teeth.  I stopped wearing makeup and just started smiling more.  Not wearing makeup cleared my skin up- and I have had horrific acne from the time I was 12 until sometime around the age of 27.  I made a lot of eating      changes, too.  I went vegetarian for a while, though at the time, that really meant a lot of carbs and cheese.  I was even vegan for awhile, and lost too much weight.  Of course, I didn't really approach that in a balanced way, either.  Oh, well…  living is learning.

I want to see how my skin changes as well.  I ain't getting any younger, folks.

So, okay, back to my desire to gain weight.  I finally realized I wasn't meant to have extra weight.  And I don't mean that in that patronizing "Oh, it wasn't meant to be" kind of way.  I mean that, I am a skinny person.  I have a skinny frame.  When I do gain weight, as you can see, it's only in the belly.  And not only do I look ridiculous (a marshmallow on toothpick limbs comes to mind), I feel like crap.  My long spine can only handle the weight by tipping my pelvis forward and causing a lot of strain on my lower back.  So, after much deliberation, 2 babies, and a desire to just be healthier and more vibrant in general, I have started this program.

I've done a cleanse or two in my day.  I was one of the crazies that did the Master Cleanse a few years ago.  And it was great- not only did I shed toxins and belly fat, but I had self-induced diarrhea for 8 days straight.  What fun!  I also did a 3-day fruit fast in the dead of winter one year- nothing says healthy like shaking bones under layers and layers and layers of polyester fleece.  This time, I'm taking a more sensible approach.

Bad-ass clean eaten'.

The goal for me this time is happiness.  Clarity.  Energy.  Earth-loving choices.  A lowered grocery bill.  The ability to do the yoga moves I covet.  And yes, getting rid of the belly fat.  

It's also for my family.  I can see how my kids are making food choices that may not be the best.  And I know I am the reason. You see, I, like many people, am an emotional eater.  I was so riddled with anxiety with my first pregnancy, I ate to curb the fear.  Sure, I was happy, but after having a painful miscarriage, and with the ghosts of my 2 aunts' stillbirths haunting me, all I could do was eat.  Counter-productive, I know.  To my credit, I also meditated, and did some bad-assed prenatal yoga with a bad-ass instructor for most of my pregnancy.  And I had a healthy, normal pregnancy, great birth, and no postpartum depression.

What I did have was a complete absence of support.  I had a few great friends who helped as much as they could, but they had their own lives and families to care for, and my husband did as much as he was able.  But no doula for me, no grandmothers or aunts to help.  Just me, and a crying baby that scared the poop out of me.  

Jump to now:  I had another baby (I ate much healthier this time), but still no support.  The mother-friends I made with my first baby were moving on with their lives while I had a newborn again.  I was kind of alone.  Once again, I ate to fill the void.  So now, here I am, 2 years postpartum with Baby #2, and it's kind of time to grow up.  I need more energy.  I need to be stronger.  But most of all, I need to get back in touch with the woman I put aside 4 years ago to be a super-mom.

Because my kids have no idea what energy and strength really are.  All they know is that I am their source of pretty much EVERYTHING, and I'm a lot more fun when I'm happy and healthy.

Because better nutrition makes me a better mama.  And that's what it's all about.

So, feel free to follow along as I make strides toward clean eating, strength-building, and overall better mothering.  I'm beginning to feel better already.